"and find the letters turn to gold upon the page"

"The fault was mine. The page of life that was spread out before me seemed dull and commonplace, only because I had not fathomed its deeper import. A better book than I shall ever write was there; leaf after leaf presenting itself to me, just as it was written out by reality of the flitting hour, and vanishing as fast as written, only because my brain wanted the insight and my hand the cunning to transcribe it. At some future day, it may be I shall remember a few scattered fragments and broken paragraphs, and write them down, and find the letters turn to gold upon the page."

The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne


torn between two places

It's hard and rewarding.
Its one of those things where the beauty is in the ache, you know?

But there's things people never tell you about it.
Like what happens when you're both happy to be home, with all the people you love most in the world, yet still longing for a place that is not your home.

"You get home and suddenly you're longing for something that is not home and it can't be obtained, maybe never again. And there's a space that is lacking now. No matter how strong the feeling of home is, you still remember and ache for where you were before. And it's strange and you feel scattered. Your heart is torn between two places, trying to give fully to each." 11/6

I wrote that in my journal a week after we returned from Virginia. That first full week was when the feeling of restlessness was most acute.

Eventually, though, it evens out, I promise.
It was a transition to go, and it was a transition to come back.
But you do get integrated back into everything at some point, slowly but surely.
Maybe it's not going to be exactly how it was before you left.
But maybe it's better anyways.

One month back in Kansas.
I must say now that I love home, I always have.
And I still love Virginia, I always will.
It's good to be able to look back at all the adventures and misadventures we had there and remember it with a little longing.
Because that means it was good.


how to mark a book

"I contend, quite bluntly, that marking up a book is not an act of mutilation, but of love."

mortimer j. adler

I read this essay in school the other day and wanted you all to read it too: X. I've found that one of the best things about actually owning a book, is marking in it.