note to self

This life. It's one crazy thing. It's June. A year ago I had no idea what a thrilling ride the coming months held. Didn't know what lessons I'd have to learn, what people I'd get to meet, what I would find in the people I already knew, who I'd say hello to, who I'd have to say goodbye to, who I'd come back to, and who would come back to me. I found how much angst could knot my stomach and how that fluttering, butterflies feeling could make my face hurt from smiling. It's funny, it would seem authenticity snuck in when I stopped worrying about it. I learned that to love in any way is to be vulnerable. That letting down that guard can be incredibly rewarding. To press in trying to meet people where they are, to love them without any ulterior motive, no pretense. I learned that there are a good many different kinds of missing people. Sometimes it's okay to know that you miss them and enough to know that they miss you too. That you can uproot your very life and find a new home for awhile. You'll miss what you left. But it doesn't always have to ache. Sometimes it's a knowledge of missing your people and your places. But you'll be all right. There's a kind of missing for things of the past that you must simply get over. Remember that nostalgia sometimes clouds your view, making former things seem better than they were. Take it at what it is. Treasure those memories and all the little things that remind you of those days, but move on and make new good times. There is an aching kind of missing and perhaps the best thing to do is let it be known. Tell that person you miss that you miss them. Hey, guess what? Humans are fallible beings. You want grace. Give them grace. But don't be blinded by the feel of a moment. Let the people who will value what's inside you, your heart, be the ones who are allowed there. There's a sacredness in things untold. Not everything must be analyzed to completion. It's okay to simplify a problem and not solve it. You don't always need to know all the answers just yet. You never know who or what is around the bend. Something or someone you never saw coming. Hard things are good, good things are hard. Don't judge what you don't understand or have no compassion for. Expect nothing, appreciate everything. Lean in, not out. Keep your eye firmly on the big picture when little defeats start to swallow you. One day what you're so worried about will become second nature, so take a deep breath. Don't finish reading books that have lost your attention, but don't give up on people. They're unfinished and so are you. Take a step back. Time will tell. But time can be cruel. And perhaps sometimes you need to tell time. For the sake of honesty, don't sugar coat things. You're not negative all the time and if a day sucks, it's okay to say, "hey, this day sucked." Feel it, then move on. Tomorrow will be better. And if not tomorrow, the next day. Getting to know people can be one of the most interesting and downright fun things. Even (especially) if it's a person you've known for awhile. You never really stop getting to know someone. Hang out with people who make you forget to worry about how your thighs look when you sit down. In turn, be one of those people who makes others feel comfortable and comforted. Darn things change, but thank God things change. You are where you are for a reason. No one is in your life by accident. And you're not in someone's life by mere chance either. This life is one crazy thing. And I guess we'll see what comes. We'll see.