Two months into our stay here in Virginia I was able to go to Kansas to see my boyfriend.
So I went home. And I cried. And I don't know why.
I stood in my room and looked around. What felt so strange? At first I thought it was that I didn't belong. But that wasn't it at all. Though it would've been much easier.
I let my shoulders relax and laid down in my own bed, that I haven't slept in for two months. It was so comfortable. Why did it have to be so comfortable? And that was it. I belonged here.
"It's easier to not have a home," I said.
"Than to have one and leave?" He knew.
It was hard. Hard to realize that I belonged. It's easier to play the nomad card. Being a wanderer is heavily romanticized. It's easier to leave, and leave, and leave, and leave. It's easier to be numb to the remembrance of having a place that is all yours.
It's hard to belong somewhere and leave. And maybe even harder to leave it all over again.
Dearest Haley,
ReplyDeleteI have been M.I.A. for months upon months. I check up on blogger but haven't done anything in a long while.
By chance, I slipped into this post. And I almost imploded from the beauty and honesty of it. This is what I look for when I read blogs. The truest words. This makes so much sense with me. This is beautiful, and it resonates with my soul.
Thank you a thousand times over for writing this. I can't explain how much this speaks to me right in this moment.
Your writing is superb, succinct, and beautiful.
Thank you.
Love,
Rebekah
Dear Rebekah,
DeleteHello friend! I have missed you! Thank you so much for your beautiful and encouraging words. I'm so glad something I felt and wrote can be identified with. That is the best compliment.
Much love,
Haley
This was beautiful. I can just see it -- a still, somber moment filled with nostalgia and longing. It can be really hard to leave a place. They are filled with so many memories.
ReplyDeletethis grabs my heart, your words are always full of heart and nostalgia and a raw ache.
ReplyDelete