torn between two places

It's hard and rewarding.
Its one of those things where the beauty is in the ache, you know?

But there's things people never tell you about it.
Like what happens when you're both happy to be home, with all the people you love most in the world, yet still longing for a place that is not your home.

"You get home and suddenly you're longing for something that is not home and it can't be obtained, maybe never again. And there's a space that is lacking now. No matter how strong the feeling of home is, you still remember and ache for where you were before. And it's strange and you feel scattered. Your heart is torn between two places, trying to give fully to each." 11/6

I wrote that in my journal a week after we returned from Virginia. That first full week was when the feeling of restlessness was most acute.

Eventually, though, it evens out, I promise.
It was a transition to go, and it was a transition to come back.
But you do get integrated back into everything at some point, slowly but surely.
Maybe it's not going to be exactly how it was before you left.
But maybe it's better anyways.

One month back in Kansas.
I must say now that I love home, I always have.
And I still love Virginia, I always will.
It's good to be able to look back at all the adventures and misadventures we had there and remember it with a little longing.
Because that means it was good.


  1. this is something i connect and relate to very deeply. i get the exact same feeling a few months after moving, or the day after i get home from being on the road (even if i'm moving or traveling again soon.)
    it's like, i don't know where i belong.
    settling down, starting life back up, remembering the rosy feelings of before... it may be even more hard than travel.

  2. so much yes. i think this is all part of the ache a traveler learns to live with.
    absolutely beautiful words!

  3. AMEN! You put into perfect words what I have always felt. Everytime I go somewhere new, I come home with more people and places to miss. And yet in the end, it is all worth it for the joy, the memories, and the adventure.