"and find the letters turn to gold upon the page"

"The fault was mine. The page of life that was spread out before me seemed dull and commonplace, only because I had not fathomed its deeper import. A better book than I shall ever write was there; leaf after leaf presenting itself to me, just as it was written out by reality of the flitting hour, and vanishing as fast as written, only because my brain wanted the insight and my hand the cunning to transcribe it. At some future day, it may be I shall remember a few scattered fragments and broken paragraphs, and write them down, and find the letters turn to gold upon the page."

The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne


torn between two places

It's hard and rewarding.
Its one of those things where the beauty is in the ache, you know?

But there's things people never tell you about it.
Like what happens when you're both happy to be home, with all the people you love most in the world, yet still longing for a place that is not your home.

"You get home and suddenly you're longing for something that is not home and it can't be obtained, maybe never again. And there's a space that is lacking now. No matter how strong the feeling of home is, you still remember and ache for where you were before. And it's strange and you feel scattered. Your heart is torn between two places, trying to give fully to each." 11/6

I wrote that in my journal a week after we returned from Virginia. That first full week was when the feeling of restlessness was most acute.

Eventually, though, it evens out, I promise.
It was a transition to go, and it was a transition to come back.
But you do get integrated back into everything at some point, slowly but surely.
Maybe it's not going to be exactly how it was before you left.
But maybe it's better anyways.

One month back in Kansas.
I must say now that I love home, I always have.
And I still love Virginia, I always will.
It's good to be able to look back at all the adventures and misadventures we had there and remember it with a little longing.
Because that means it was good.


how to mark a book

"I contend, quite bluntly, that marking up a book is not an act of mutilation, but of love."

mortimer j. adler

I read this essay in school the other day and wanted you all to read it too: X. I've found that one of the best things about actually owning a book, is marking in it.


your Q's answered! | part one

Hey y'all! It's here! It's here! And I'm so excited about it!

Thank you guys for asking questions! I loved hearing from some of you who hadn't commented before! I decided to split this up into two (+) parts, so as to give due time to each question.

A bit of a disclaimer...sometimes I'm a dork and it comes out in this video. ;) And pardon the piano/keyboard & Billy Joel songs playing in the background, as well as the incredibly squeaky chair. Real life, people.

Part two coming soon.


once upon a time

Once upon a time, we sat under tall leafy trees, our clothes soaking in the smoke of the fire. "So we may be going to Virginia again." And it's funny to think back to that time, because it seems so distant now. In the glory of that summer. With blue skies and lush, green grass. Before we knew any of this. Our fingers were sticky with s'mores and our hearts were full with excitement.


ask me Q's!

Hey y'all! So I had an idea.

This place mostly serves as a journal of sorts. But it differs in that, well, you're here reading it! I mean, that's kind of the purpose...otherwise all this could stay in my journal and it could be there for just me to look back on. But it's really neat that you guys take the time to read it.

The point is, I don't think it would be uncharacteristic for you guys to ask me questions and for me to give you some answers. (Because really, that's how you get to know someone! By talking to them!)

And that's exactly what I'd like to do! I would be obliged if y'all would comment asking me some questions. Whatever you'd like to know about myself, the life I live, whatever -- random things, something you're curious about, etc., etc.

Annnnnnndddd, in reply...I'll make a VIDEO!

That's right, folks! Instead of typing answers to your questions, I'm planning on making a vlog to answer them in!

So comment some questions (or tweet me: @imhaleyjane). I'll need enough to fill a video, so ask plenty. (:



on repeat • 03

My Father's Father by The Civil Wars
You're My Home by Billy Joel
Style by Taylor Swift
Make You Miss Me by Sam Hunt
Talking in Your Sleep by The Civil Wars
Bad Blood by Taylor Swift


maybe, finally -- home.

november 4, 2014

the sky was aflare, all streaked with brilliant orange. it was like burning gold.

in that moment it felt like maybe we were finally home.

and everything was going to be all right.


"I hope you will go out and let stories happen to you"

"I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories...water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom."

Clarissa Pinkola Estes

I wrote this awhile back. But, thanks to weird internet, I'm just now getting it posted. It's funny though, because in the end, I don't think I feel like this anymore. I'm glad I had to go.


Sometimes I give you thoughts that originally were recorded in my journal. But they're rounded out, shaped up into something a little prettier than that raw, sometimes gritty truth. But today, sentences straight from my journal.... About leaving, about being here instead of there.

This is where you're tested. Do you really like adventure? Or just the thought of adventure?

"I am thankful to have experienced so much, even though I am young, and have a lot more to learn, and am so undeserving.

"I wish all this could be, yet I could be home too and be changed and formed like this trip will do to me -- without leaving.

"But that's not how it works. You must go. You must let stories happen to you."

You must go. You must jump. You must stretch. It hurts. It'll hurt. And you're uprooted. But this must happen. This is how adventure happens. And you go.

But it's so so so worth it. For all the experiences you have that couldn't happen anywhere else. And by the grace of God you find that you can bloom where you're planted.

And maybe, you find, suddenly, that your roots are comfortable again.

Man, I think I've come to love this place.


So that's that. And now, I miss that place.


Jamestown & Colonial Williamsburg

Weekend number two here in VA, we went to the Jamestown Settlement. Really neat place, let me tell ya. We then went to Colonial Williamsburg. We'd been there before, when we came to VA (part one, part two). So went to one of the taverns for dinner and got all our favorite "memory foods" (corn chowder, ginger cakes, root beer, and fudge).

Here's our day, documented in pictures, starting in Jamestown, ending in Williamsburg.

Jamestown Settlement
The Susan Constant, the Discovery, & the Godspeed
James Fort
making a canoe ;)
Powhatan Indian Village

Colonial Williamsburg


"a place is only a place."

(back home) 

"Parting with friends is a sadness. A place is only a place."

You knew it would come. That inevitable post about homesickness. Well here it is, albeit different than I thought. 

This is not your typical aching, cry everyday homesickness. It's more of a knowledge.

I'm happy to be here in Virginia, experiencing new things. (From the first, I set out to enjoy it and not wish it away. Too many reservations last time. No reservations this time.)

It's funny, the last trip versus this present one. I think I was homesick for temporary things. 

You know, I do miss the farm, the house, my tall bed, and my own desk. I do miss the clear horizon, the way you can see for miles, those Kansas sunrises and sunsets. But I haven't really sat down and thought them all out til now.

More than anything, I miss the people. That's what sticks out in my mind.

My family is here, the five of us, all on this adventure together. The people I call home, they're here.

But there's still others I love and miss back in Kansas. 

It's a strange thing to have your heart scattered in several places.



weekend on the chesapeake

This temporary move has been, so far, very ummm...what's the word?...spontaneous? unexpected? adventurous? From being told by the GPS that we "had arrived at our destination" when the location apparently didn't exist, winding roads and thick trees, a busted water heater, sketchy wifi, a one hour trip turned into three hours, and a three hour trip turned into six hours, a midnight trip to get gas for a tank that had run out, and now a leaking basement after a day of continual rain, it's been...exciting. There's definitely been a lot of "if I don't laugh, I'll cry" moments (although when people say that, I think they eventually end up doing both).

But we're game for adventure.

This weekend we went to the Chesapeake Bay to see my great aunt and uncle (here's previous posts from our first visit there a few years ago: x x x). There we took three boat rides in two days, gained a little sun on our shoulders, kayaked, grabbed some ice cream from the cutest little town, and some pizza from the restaurant on the harbor. If you follow me on instagram (which I encourage you to do, because I seem to be keeping up with it much better than this blog), you'll have seen some pictures from the weekend. Plus, I'm kinda super proud of our cheesy family hashtag for this trip ;)

So the weekend starts with an early morning departure, grabbing some Starbucks in a town we'd never seen, and getting ready for a long drive. I threw together some video clips from the weekend just for fun. (Nothing fancy, still trying to get back into using movie maker. Sorry for the blurriness in the first clip ;P)

music by The Civil Wars, Forget Me Not

Heading out for ice cream...

Speedboat ride...


Picking up pizza...

The end.