I went home

Two months into our stay here in Virginia I was able to go to Kansas to see my boyfriend.

So I went home. And I cried. And I don't know why.

I stood in my room and looked around. What felt so strange? At first I thought it was that I didn't belong. But that wasn't it at all. Though it would've been much easier.

I let my shoulders relax and laid down in my own bed, that I haven't slept in for two months. It was so comfortable. Why did it have to be so comfortable? And that was it. I belonged here.

"It's easier to not have a home," I said.
"Than to have one and leave?" He knew.

It was hard. Hard to realize that I belonged. It's easier to play the nomad card. Being a wanderer is heavily romanticized. It's easier to leave, and leave, and leave, and leave. It's easier to be numb to the remembrance of having a place that is all yours.

It's hard to belong somewhere and leave. And maybe even harder to leave it all over again.


  1. Dearest Haley,

    I have been M.I.A. for months upon months. I check up on blogger but haven't done anything in a long while.

    By chance, I slipped into this post. And I almost imploded from the beauty and honesty of it. This is what I look for when I read blogs. The truest words. This makes so much sense with me. This is beautiful, and it resonates with my soul.

    Thank you a thousand times over for writing this. I can't explain how much this speaks to me right in this moment.

    Your writing is superb, succinct, and beautiful.

    Thank you.


    1. Dear Rebekah,

      Hello friend! I have missed you! Thank you so much for your beautiful and encouraging words. I'm so glad something I felt and wrote can be identified with. That is the best compliment.

      Much love,

  2. This was beautiful. I can just see it -- a still, somber moment filled with nostalgia and longing. It can be really hard to leave a place. They are filled with so many memories.

  3. this grabs my heart, your words are always full of heart and nostalgia and a raw ache.