what it's like to miss someone

Missing someone is not what the internet makes it seem like. It’s not like books painted it to be. It’s not poetic like the movies. 

It’s not pretty. It’s not a single tear on a pillow at night. It’s not looking out the window longingly. It’s not seeing a couple together and turning away from the pain of the sight. It’s not a simple “I miss you" text. It’s not a melancholy journal entry. It’s not a constant thought in the back of your mind.

It’s messy. It’s hard. It’s tiring. It’s a face covered in tears that won’t stop falling and four nights of mascara smeared across your pillow. It’s looking at the landscape and feeling numb. It’s seeing a couple together and thinking, “They’re together. Good for them.” Because you know how good that feels. Being together. It’s a five page letter to try to convey as well as you can how much you love them. And that’s still not enough. It’s leaving your journal untouched for a month because there’s nothing new to say. All that your pen will write is different ways of “I miss him”. It’s an ache in your arms, a hollow stomach, and a pulsating mind.

It’s needing someone when they cannot be near.

...

This piece was originally posted on my tumblr earlier this week. Thought I'd share it here.